Now, the Sasquatch and I might have an issue. Last week, we fought over a black box. But I think it was a even bigger issue. I think he was afraid of me stealing his cock sandwich. Let me explain, He bought himself a KFC Doublestacker. Have any of you seen this Somabitch? Two pieces of Chicken with Cheese and bacon in the middle. No fucking bread. If that is not the definition of a cock sandwich, I don't know what is.
Let me explain, in some parts of the world, a chicken is called a Cock. So, by that understanding, the Sasquatch is eating a cock sandwich. With white cheese oozing out. Can a mother fucker think out there before they make a damn item on the menu?
So the next time one of you guys are out there eating one of those Doublestacker, think how good your cock sandwich is with the cheese dripping off you chin.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Resist the urge to call in sick.
From our esteemed management group:
Your palms are cut up from an altercations with a serial killing clown. You just saved 3 animals from a house fire. You just got the new black plague. These are all very serious instances where you might fell the need to call in sick. We ask you to consider if the value of the "full-time" employment , is worth the "minor" pain you are feeling.
I am not saying that you will be terminated, but you may see a drop in weekly hours due to the need for me to re-write a schedule I haven't touched in the last six weeks. I mean, you are asking me to do extra work, because of the little "problems" you have in your life. Why am I needing to accommodate your lives. I mean you get semi full time employment and I get a very large bonus if none of you contact my supervisor and tell him how shitty I do my work.
So, come in bloody, with carbon dioxide poison, with something you got from your 39 year-old girlfriend. Just make sure you come in.
Your palms are cut up from an altercations with a serial killing clown. You just saved 3 animals from a house fire. You just got the new black plague. These are all very serious instances where you might fell the need to call in sick. We ask you to consider if the value of the "full-time" employment , is worth the "minor" pain you are feeling.
I am not saying that you will be terminated, but you may see a drop in weekly hours due to the need for me to re-write a schedule I haven't touched in the last six weeks. I mean, you are asking me to do extra work, because of the little "problems" you have in your life. Why am I needing to accommodate your lives. I mean you get semi full time employment and I get a very large bonus if none of you contact my supervisor and tell him how shitty I do my work.
So, come in bloody, with carbon dioxide poison, with something you got from your 39 year-old girlfriend. Just make sure you come in.
Happy Beaver's Promise
At Happy Beaver, we promise that every time you come to our store, we will strive to fuck you in the ass. It is our never ending commitment at Happy Beaver, to really stick it to the employees, the customers, and sometimes the people on the highway who pay too much attention to our billboards and veer off the road.
At Happy Beaver, we promise to make an extra effort in getting phone numbers from the cuties, and to dismiss the regulars who keep on asking us if we know the nutritional value of red wine.
Per our Handbook, we are to do anything for our customers. That is as long as it doesn't have to do with maxing out our ice bins or letting poor invalids pump before you pay. Hell some of you bastards need the extra running around just so you can make room for the beer you want to buy.
Our last promise is that will try to make the Experience even less, every time you come to our store.
At Happy Beaver, we promise to make an extra effort in getting phone numbers from the cuties, and to dismiss the regulars who keep on asking us if we know the nutritional value of red wine.
Per our Handbook, we are to do anything for our customers. That is as long as it doesn't have to do with maxing out our ice bins or letting poor invalids pump before you pay. Hell some of you bastards need the extra running around just so you can make room for the beer you want to buy.
Our last promise is that will try to make the Experience even less, every time you come to our store.
Happy Beaver Intro
I think Chris and others need an outlet to the happiest place to work for.
No Really, is there any other place that is going to pay you for doing shit work? Is there any other place that is going to make you get a doctor note for a car problem? Is there a place that doesn't give you a pass when you are late because of a funeral procession?
And finally is there any other place that has an overnight Sasquatch that rips off the top of a black box to get nuts, cause he sure loves his nuts.
Let's forget about the crazy shirtless man running through the parking lot, or his rottweilers, and remember the good times.
Let's remember that the store has issues, but I only can deem it as hell with fluorescent lights.
Welcome all you mother fuckers to the Happy Beaver. Leave your humanity at the damn door.
No Really, is there any other place that is going to pay you for doing shit work? Is there any other place that is going to make you get a doctor note for a car problem? Is there a place that doesn't give you a pass when you are late because of a funeral procession?
And finally is there any other place that has an overnight Sasquatch that rips off the top of a black box to get nuts, cause he sure loves his nuts.
Let's forget about the crazy shirtless man running through the parking lot, or his rottweilers, and remember the good times.
Let's remember that the store has issues, but I only can deem it as hell with fluorescent lights.
Welcome all you mother fuckers to the Happy Beaver. Leave your humanity at the damn door.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)