I have to disagree with this terminology I mean, what the fuck. We don't bring the law down on this shit. Putting a person outside doesn't deter theft, just makes us pay for another person's wages, which is more than how many are being stolen. I have other ideas of what we truly are.
Ice Trader:
Trap the ice in large containing vessels.
Cart them off to a holding container, one on top of the other one.
Keep them under lock and key, never to see the sunlight.
Being sold and taken from the others, never to see them ever again.
The buyer inspects them prior to buying them to ensure they buy the "right" one.
Ice Pimp:
Take cash money paid up front.
Must prove we have authorization for the purchase.
Get frequent requests for multiples.
People get upset when limit 15 for their parties.
We ask the purchasers to go outside to get them.
Customers sometimes prefer the hard ones, sometimes prefer the wet ones.
Customers wish we had the smaller ones, cause they feel better in the mouth.
Ice dealer:
Customers, like some fucking addicts, get upset when we don't have any more.
Thursday, July 1, 2010
Tuesday, May 4, 2010
Regular teens vs Happpy Beaver teens.
Many differences of our employees to the average teens. But one of the main differences is what they have in their pockets.
Regular teens: Phone(always on), mp3 player, wallet, keys, and condoms.
Happy Beaver teens: Phone(off during work), magic markers, keys, wallet, and box cutters, duct tape.
As you can see our employees are ready for anything.
Like raping a small group of college cheerleaders.
Regular teens: Phone(always on), mp3 player, wallet, keys, and condoms.
Happy Beaver teens: Phone(off during work), magic markers, keys, wallet, and box cutters, duct tape.
As you can see our employees are ready for anything.
Like raping a small group of college cheerleaders.
Monday, May 3, 2010
Proper Vs. Evitman
Scenario: Man comes into store wanting to know if he buys a pack of cigs, can he get some matches for free.
Proper response: "I am sorry sir, we don't have any complimentary matches. We do have several types of lighters, that are available for purchase."
Evitman's response: "Mother Fucker, nothing is for free!"
Proper response: "I am sorry sir, we don't have any complimentary matches. We do have several types of lighters, that are available for purchase."
Evitman's response: "Mother Fucker, nothing is for free!"
Protect your ass....nobody else will.
Protect yourself in all the things you do. I say this as mostly a cautionary tale, as you will find yourself in instances where a person will come up to you with alcohol in hand, wanting you to take the risk to sell to them. How many times can you get screwed? Underage is easy, take a card make sure it is good and move on.
The hard ones is when you have to determine if a person is intoxicated. With no alcohol on their breath, no slurred speech, and seem to have all their abilities to walk, how can you tell? Sometimes it takes the simple act of having a conversation with the person and making sure they can hold a conversation.
I speak on experience, that no matter how good the technology is in the store, a company will sell your ass down the river to make sure they don't get fined. Do you think the one person matters when they have several dozen employees?
The one that they say is okay to sell to is the enraged ones. Those customers that come in all upset over the phone, their wives or their kids. We can sell to them, and pray that we are not adding gasoline to a fire.
How many spousal abuses, child abuse and rage induce murders are started by the alcohol we sell? Do you even for a moment look at the person, envision the future, and smile at the delicious outcomes that can come?
Yes I am twisted, but those stories are for another time.
The hard ones is when you have to determine if a person is intoxicated. With no alcohol on their breath, no slurred speech, and seem to have all their abilities to walk, how can you tell? Sometimes it takes the simple act of having a conversation with the person and making sure they can hold a conversation.
I speak on experience, that no matter how good the technology is in the store, a company will sell your ass down the river to make sure they don't get fined. Do you think the one person matters when they have several dozen employees?
The one that they say is okay to sell to is the enraged ones. Those customers that come in all upset over the phone, their wives or their kids. We can sell to them, and pray that we are not adding gasoline to a fire.
How many spousal abuses, child abuse and rage induce murders are started by the alcohol we sell? Do you even for a moment look at the person, envision the future, and smile at the delicious outcomes that can come?
Yes I am twisted, but those stories are for another time.
What hair color do they put on the driver's licenses of bald men?
Fact: 75% of upper management is bald. Not saying it would help, but this site can provide support for your need for success.
Thursday, April 29, 2010
Sasquatch and the Cock Sandwich
Now, the Sasquatch and I might have an issue. Last week, we fought over a black box. But I think it was a even bigger issue. I think he was afraid of me stealing his cock sandwich. Let me explain, He bought himself a KFC Doublestacker. Have any of you seen this Somabitch? Two pieces of Chicken with Cheese and bacon in the middle. No fucking bread. If that is not the definition of a cock sandwich, I don't know what is.
Let me explain, in some parts of the world, a chicken is called a Cock. So, by that understanding, the Sasquatch is eating a cock sandwich. With white cheese oozing out. Can a mother fucker think out there before they make a damn item on the menu?
So the next time one of you guys are out there eating one of those Doublestacker, think how good your cock sandwich is with the cheese dripping off you chin.
Let me explain, in some parts of the world, a chicken is called a Cock. So, by that understanding, the Sasquatch is eating a cock sandwich. With white cheese oozing out. Can a mother fucker think out there before they make a damn item on the menu?
So the next time one of you guys are out there eating one of those Doublestacker, think how good your cock sandwich is with the cheese dripping off you chin.
Resist the urge to call in sick.
From our esteemed management group:
Your palms are cut up from an altercations with a serial killing clown. You just saved 3 animals from a house fire. You just got the new black plague. These are all very serious instances where you might fell the need to call in sick. We ask you to consider if the value of the "full-time" employment , is worth the "minor" pain you are feeling.
I am not saying that you will be terminated, but you may see a drop in weekly hours due to the need for me to re-write a schedule I haven't touched in the last six weeks. I mean, you are asking me to do extra work, because of the little "problems" you have in your life. Why am I needing to accommodate your lives. I mean you get semi full time employment and I get a very large bonus if none of you contact my supervisor and tell him how shitty I do my work.
So, come in bloody, with carbon dioxide poison, with something you got from your 39 year-old girlfriend. Just make sure you come in.
Your palms are cut up from an altercations with a serial killing clown. You just saved 3 animals from a house fire. You just got the new black plague. These are all very serious instances where you might fell the need to call in sick. We ask you to consider if the value of the "full-time" employment , is worth the "minor" pain you are feeling.
I am not saying that you will be terminated, but you may see a drop in weekly hours due to the need for me to re-write a schedule I haven't touched in the last six weeks. I mean, you are asking me to do extra work, because of the little "problems" you have in your life. Why am I needing to accommodate your lives. I mean you get semi full time employment and I get a very large bonus if none of you contact my supervisor and tell him how shitty I do my work.
So, come in bloody, with carbon dioxide poison, with something you got from your 39 year-old girlfriend. Just make sure you come in.
Happy Beaver's Promise
At Happy Beaver, we promise that every time you come to our store, we will strive to fuck you in the ass. It is our never ending commitment at Happy Beaver, to really stick it to the employees, the customers, and sometimes the people on the highway who pay too much attention to our billboards and veer off the road.
At Happy Beaver, we promise to make an extra effort in getting phone numbers from the cuties, and to dismiss the regulars who keep on asking us if we know the nutritional value of red wine.
Per our Handbook, we are to do anything for our customers. That is as long as it doesn't have to do with maxing out our ice bins or letting poor invalids pump before you pay. Hell some of you bastards need the extra running around just so you can make room for the beer you want to buy.
Our last promise is that will try to make the Experience even less, every time you come to our store.
At Happy Beaver, we promise to make an extra effort in getting phone numbers from the cuties, and to dismiss the regulars who keep on asking us if we know the nutritional value of red wine.
Per our Handbook, we are to do anything for our customers. That is as long as it doesn't have to do with maxing out our ice bins or letting poor invalids pump before you pay. Hell some of you bastards need the extra running around just so you can make room for the beer you want to buy.
Our last promise is that will try to make the Experience even less, every time you come to our store.
Happy Beaver Intro
I think Chris and others need an outlet to the happiest place to work for.
No Really, is there any other place that is going to pay you for doing shit work? Is there any other place that is going to make you get a doctor note for a car problem? Is there a place that doesn't give you a pass when you are late because of a funeral procession?
And finally is there any other place that has an overnight Sasquatch that rips off the top of a black box to get nuts, cause he sure loves his nuts.
Let's forget about the crazy shirtless man running through the parking lot, or his rottweilers, and remember the good times.
Let's remember that the store has issues, but I only can deem it as hell with fluorescent lights.
Welcome all you mother fuckers to the Happy Beaver. Leave your humanity at the damn door.
No Really, is there any other place that is going to pay you for doing shit work? Is there any other place that is going to make you get a doctor note for a car problem? Is there a place that doesn't give you a pass when you are late because of a funeral procession?
And finally is there any other place that has an overnight Sasquatch that rips off the top of a black box to get nuts, cause he sure loves his nuts.
Let's forget about the crazy shirtless man running through the parking lot, or his rottweilers, and remember the good times.
Let's remember that the store has issues, but I only can deem it as hell with fluorescent lights.
Welcome all you mother fuckers to the Happy Beaver. Leave your humanity at the damn door.
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