Happy Beaver's Promise

At Happy Beaver, we promise that every time you come to our store, we will strive to fuck you in the ass. It is our never ending commitment at Happy Beaver, to really stick it to the employees, the customers, and sometimes the people on the highway who pay too much attention to our billboards and veer off the road.

At Happy Beaver, we promise to make an extra effort in getting phone numbers from the cuties, and to dismiss the regulars who keep on asking us if we know the nutritional value of red wine.

Per our Handbook, we are to do anything for our customers. That is as long as it doesn't have to do with maxing out our ice bins or letting poor invalids pump before you pay. Hell some of you bastards need the extra running around just so you can make room for the beer you want to buy.

Our last promise is that will try to make the Experience even less, every time you come to our store.