Resist the urge to call in sick.

From our esteemed management group:

Your palms are cut up from an altercations with a serial killing clown. You just saved 3 animals from a house fire. You just got the new black plague. These are all very serious instances where you might fell the need to call in sick. We ask you to consider if the value of the "full-time" employment , is worth the "minor" pain you are feeling.

I am not saying that you will be terminated, but you may see a drop in weekly hours due to the need for me to re-write a schedule I haven't touched in the last six weeks. I mean, you are asking me to do extra work, because of the little "problems" you have in your life. Why am I needing to accommodate your lives. I mean you get semi full time employment and I get a very large bonus if none of you contact my supervisor and tell him how shitty I do my work.

So, come in bloody, with carbon dioxide poison, with something you got from your 39 year-old girlfriend. Just make sure you come in.